The cybergods must be crazy

I talked to a friend on the phone the other night, and told her, “I am just being Zen about this whole thing.” The “thing” bounces back to my blog of several weeks ago about the hard drive failing in my new laptop. Well, let’s just heap some insult on top of the injury: when I received the replacement hard drive, it was DOA. But while attempting to delve into the mystery of zeros and ones, the bigger picture smacked me like a smelly, wet fish: something was, indeed, also wrong with the motherboard in the laptop.


Fatal error. Hit the kill switch. My chin was down on my kneecaps; and I wasn’t wearing a smile.


So I did what any rational person would do. I once again, for the umpteenth time, called Tech Support. Mind you, the people I talked to are very nice and certainly empathetic to my problem. After an hour, my complaint was finally escalated to a Quality Control Case Manager. She was a person who held my life in her hands and was – to her credit – quite understanding about my predicament.


Point of curiosity: why in the world did the cybercrats decide to name this process “escalation?” I have to wonder if they are unfamiliar with the generally negative connotation of the word.


Here’s where it gets interesting. Given the extensive file I had developed with the company as regards my laptop, she said the company would build a customized replacement laptop for me. The hitch, of course, is that the units are made in China, so there is no overnight replacement.


I figured this was a good solution, or at least as good as it was going to get. I told myself to bear with it. And I’m not to the Zen part yet…


So, after nearly two weeks of chomping at the bit, I finally get the news I wanted to hear: a FedEx shipper number. This, as I was informed, meant my new laptop had indeed been shipped, and I would be able to track its progress.


And that’s what I did. I had to fire up my old PC, which is already feeling like it’s giving up the ghost, to keep my work afloat. I head to the FedEx website, and I am getting the snapshot of my machine’s progress toward my loving embrace. Golly molly, it’s in Customs in Shanghai. Zippadeedooda, it’s jumped the pond and has arrived in Anchorage, Alaska. Huh, it’s gone further east stateside to Indianapolis, but wowie it’s heading back to the FedEx sort facility in Denver.


I am on pins and needles. I woke up early yesterday morning to see it’s gone to the Littleton facility, which is the jumping-off point for packages destined for my little quadrant in Central CO. And now I am taking bets: will it make it in time to get on a truck and actually head in my direction?


About an hour later, the answer was “yes,” and I was ecstatic. In a few short hours, the computer crash would be a wound ready to close.


When the FedEx Guy showed up at my door, he couldn’t have been greeted more enthusiastically. We conversed a little, laughed a little, and I was pretty darned close to giving him cookies and milk for making my day. Oddly, he said he had just left another person’s house not too far from my own who was having trouble with her PC, which – as fate would have it – came from the same company as my laptop.


Sometimes, the signs are just littered along the highway….


You know how antsy the kids get when it’s time to open the Christmas presents? Well, I was like that multiplied by a factor of two million. OK, maybe one million.


I lovingly open the box, gently pull out its technological contents, and get wired to go. The machine boots up magnificently, but I did notice a decided absence of sound coming from the speakers and subwoofer. A little testing confirmed my worst fear: this laptop, only minutes old, was bad out of the box. You’ve got to be kidding me!


So I’m back on the phone with Tech Support, and after an hour of troubleshooting, I am told something completely incomprehensible and frankly more than a tad ironic and ridiculous. This machine, not even an hour old, will need to be sent back to the company for repairs.


I’m thinking: does this person really think I’m stupid?


So, back to my assigned Quality Control Case Manager. I am cool as Buddha's cucumber. I am the picture of Zen. When I told her about the tech’s recommendation, I could hear her voice catch. She knew the tech’s suggestion wasn’t playing well. I’m sure it wasn’t a surprise when I told her the only solution for me would be a complete refund of the purchase price of the original laptop. She agreed to this, and now I am waiting for the issuance of the check.


What is so bizarre is that I have two -- count ‘em two -- laptops boxed up and ready for the FedEx Guy. You know, I have to wonder: with as many trips as he’s made to my house to deliver and pick up defective equipment, I hope he doesn’t think I’m hitting on him….